On Tuesday I dragged a friend to see, and I use that verb intentionally as it was, indeed, a spectacle: “Evangelism and the Contemporary Intellectual” sponsored by n + 1, the coolest “literary” and “social criticism” magazine in town. Well I’m here to tell you they’re not cool; in fact, they’re not even hot anymore (multiple editors balding, hello 35 you’re-too-old-to-live-in-Brooklyn, Harvard hasn’t found a cure for baldness and self-importance yet).

The panel consisted of several “Evangelists,” none however who fit what you would think an American Evangelist is (b/c we’re talking about intellectuals in New York, right?), also all were no longer “believers:” Malcom Gladwell, A CANADIAN, James Wood, an ENGLISH MAN, and some 20-something grad student at Columbia from New Jersey who has written for a few magazines but was mostly there for gender balance, and to complain about how Jewish she looked. So if you thought it was actually about Evangelists, think again, but n + 1 will still throw the name in there to draw controversy and culturally specific media attention.

The Tischman auditorium was stuffy, and the writers mostly talked about their biographies,  which was the only thing they could do as the topic made no sense. James Wood, however, was funny, thoughtful, smart as hell (Evangelist pun!), and as a result I have a crush on him even though he’s bald and born way before I was. In short, they should rename the Panel “N + 1 Teaches You How To Be A Contemporary Intellectual.” These are the steps we came up with during the discussion, or reflective moments of self-proclaimed intellectuals/narcissists (self-proclaimed Russian if you’re Keith Gessen, wow that was harsh):

1. Be on your way to Europe if you’re a delivering an introduction to a panel discussion.

2. Think and talk about when you “came-of-age.”

3. Use the word “vulgar” and “pugnacious” a lot.

4. When someone says “crisis of narrative.” Follow with quiet laughter, knowingly.

5. When asking a question say: “I can still remember reading it in the first n+1,” which was 3 years ago?

Overall, in the words of a New York bard: “n+1 to me means never having finished your PHD, wait, never having finished your master’s.” Amen.

-Nikki-Lee